60 Things to do at walmart
by Mya Kiryu
Summary: look at the title
1. 1-15

**15 things t do at walmart**

**#1 switch a persons bag with someone elses bag**

mai walk through the the walmart and found itachi and konan she switched their bags "what the hell U by Kotex" itachi said "you bastard"konan yell hitting itachi Mai snickers and konan realise it was mai "MAI!'' yells konan and itachi

**#2 put condoms in peoples cart when their not looking**

Aoi put condoms in sasori's cart sasuke's cart and iruka's cart then she hid to see the reactions "WHAT THE FUCK"sasori yelled "I don't think i need condoms" says iruka sasuke yelled "AOI!" the other soon realised she put them there and yelled at her

**#3 steal something out of somene's cart an claim it's yours**

"This is mine" akira said as she stole tobi's candy "NO IT"S TOBI's "tobi screamed "ITACHI SAVVE MEEEE!" Mai yelled lets just say tobi sufferd s brain damage

**#4 grab someone's leg and say you have chicken legs**

"Bro you have chicken legs"

"KITSUNE"

"your as red as your hair now take a chill pill"

**#5 TP as much of the store as you can**

"Where's the fucking toilet paper"hiden yells

"Dude it's all over the store" sasori sasys

"KIKOMI"Hiden screams

**#6 dress up in a ternch coat and act like a secret agent**

Aiju's combat boots thuded againest the ground she sat at the table across from itachi and said "The bird is in the nest" she handed him a cap gun and said "Ue it wisely and remember aim for the head"

**#7 put different size undergarments in peoples carts**

"I DON'T WEAR PANTIES KIKO YOUR GONNA PAY FOR THIS" Deidara yelled

**#8 dressup as batman and say to the batmobile**

Aoi was wearing her batwomen costume dragging a very reluctent Gaara "Aoi what the fuck are you doing" gaara drawls out

"Who is this aoi you speak of i'm batwoman no lets go to the bat mobile robin duty awaits" She yells

**#9 grab a can of whipped cream and spray it on a bald guys head**

Akira could find a bald guy so she shaved deidara's head while he slept and when he woke up he was NOT happy

**#10 Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman**

**"Put down the makeup Mai Just put it down.**

**"Aw damn, you again? I can never have any fun with you Pein-sama."**

**"Damn straight."**

**"The fuck?"**

**#11Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song**

**"NOOOO! No more fucking singing!"**

**"AHH! Hidan, what are you doing! NOO! Don't tackle meeee!"**

**"Then shut the fuck uuuppp!**

**"Weeee! Oh, hey there floor, make me a sandwich."**

**"Oh Jashin, I broke her.**

**"Look Hidan-kun! I'm a goldfish! Glub glub glub haha. Hey, where are you going? Don't leave mee! I still don't have a sandwich yet! What is this? Look, a penny! I'm rich! Yes!"**

**#12 Go up to some old geezer and say "Grandpa! You're ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE!"**

**"GRANDPA!" She exclaimed, running up to him and hugging him around the middle. "You're alive! It's a miracle!"**

**"I'm not that old." Kakashi told his ex-student. She let him go and stepped away.**

**"Then why is your hair grey. Huh? HUH?" She screeched.**

**"For the last time, Mai It's natural!"**

**#13 Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts**

**Chouji was in chips aisle. He was trying to decide which flavor he was more in the mood for, Barbecue or Sour Cream and Onion. He turned around towards his cart when he heard a noise coming from within the basket. His eyes widened in pure joy. Next to his package of chocolate chip cookies were twenty four bags of gummy bears. He looked around and saw a girl with red hair dart out of the aisle.**

**"THANK YOU MYSTERIOUS CANDY FAIRY!" He yelled after her.**

**#14 throw skittles at random people and say taste the rainbow**

**Aoi threw skittles at Mai and she threw some back thus started a candy war**

**#15 Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.**

**Anju crouched down and ninja rolled until she was behind an empty check out stand. She stood up and fist pumped. "Yeah!" Then she looked around, trying to figure out how to work the thing. She saw a little switch and flipped it on. The light for check out aisle seven lit up.**

**A minute later, a very handsome brown haired man came to check out. Anju smiled happily at him and took his items and looked them over before trying to scan them on the scanner. "How are you today?" Anju asked finally getting the package of light bulbs scanned and into a bag. The man smiled flirtatiously.**

**"Very well, thank you." He replied, leaning over to look her in the eyes. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Anju asked smiling back. She scanned the candy bar and put it in the bag with the light bulbs.**

**"I have no-"**

**"Anju". Said girl froze and winced. She turned around painstakingly slow and looked up at the orange haired man with piercings.**

**"Pein-niisan." She said, looking down at her feet.**

**"What have I told you about talking to strangers?" Pein said, scowling at his "little sister".**

**"To not to." Anju frowned.**

**"Good. Now let's go find the others." He said, taking Anju's hand and leading her away.**


	2. 16-30

**#16 Walk up to a complete stranger and say how much you've missed them.**

**Akira run up to a complete stranger and major glomped him. "OHMIGOSH! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER! I MISSED YOU BUDDY!" she screamed. ''Akira'' Itachi scolded. "What have I told you about talking to pedophiles, especially Orochimaru?"**

**She looked down sadly. "Ta not to."**

**Orochimaru smirked. "Oh I think it'ssss fine if she hangsss out with me for a bit," he said picking her up under his arm. And that's how Orochimaru died and Wal-Mart exploded.**

**#17 Smash someone on the head with a ham.**

**Aoi came up behind Zetsu trying to be stealth-like and ninja but failed miserably. The man with the giant flytrap on his head turned around. "Aoi, what the hell are you doing?" he asked. She raised the ham high above her head, yelled a battle cry and smashed the giant piece of meat against his face. Then she proceeded to run for her life and scream her lungs out.**

**"AOI! Nom nom nom nom. I'M GOING TO -nom nom nom nom- GET -nom nom nom nom nom – Y- nom nom nom nom-O-nom nom nomnom- DO YOU MIND? Sorry but this ham tastes so good."**

**Zetsu's dark half smacked himself across the face.**

**#18 Move 'Caution: Wet Floor' signs to carpeted areas**

**"What kind of employee puts a 'wet floor' sign on a carpeted area?" Kisame asked out loud.**

**"None. That only means one thing…" Pein said**

**"MAI!"**

**#19 Put on a batman costume and run around the store calling for Robin**

**Hidan stared wordlessly at the Red head who was currently dressed as batman.**

**"The fuck?" he asked out loud.**

**"DANANANANANANANA BATWOMAN! COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!" she screamed dragging a helpless Hidan behind her.**

**"WHAT THE FUCK KIKO!" he yelled at her.**

**"WHO IS THIS KIKO YOU SPEAK OF? I AM BATWOMAN!"**

**"Oh my fucking Jashin."**

**#20 Take up an entire aisle by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I Joes VS X-Men**

**"Hn. Why are we going into the toys section again?" Itachi asked crossing his arms.**

**"Because Tobi's birthday is coming up and I nee-WOAH!" Deidara cried as he crashed to the floor and landed on his back. "Haha pretty lights, un," he said, anime Xs in his eyes and stars around his head.**

**"Hn, Kitsune Itachi asked.**

**"Yes?" she asked innocently despite the camo she was wearing and the war paint on her face.**

**"What are you doing?" he asked eyeing the scene around him.**

**"Having a battle," she said casually.**

**"With G.I Joes and X-men?"**

**"Yup."**

**"Alright then. Less shopping for me," he said as he left dragging Deidara with him.**

**# 21 Go up to an employee and say 'Code 3 in warehouse 5' in an official voice and see what happens.**

**A red-haired employee leaned casually against a pole in the grocery isle. The poor boy didn't see a thing coming.**

**Our fellow Red haired kunoichi walked up to him in a fashionable manor. She stood in front of the boy who was about her age but yet shorter than her. She starred deeply into his sea foam green eyes.**

**"Code three in warehouse five," she said in a very professional manor.**

**She did not expect his reaction.**

**The boy's eyes widened as he suddenly stood up straight. "WHAT? THEY TOLD US THAT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! THOSE DAMN ALIENS JUST WON'T STAY DEAD!" he yelled running off into the distance.**

**Anju stood in the middle of the aisle and watched the boy run away, giggling to herself. "Stupid boy."**

**#22 Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.**

**The one they call 'Fire cracker' was frantically running around the isles asking random customers if they wanted to duel.**

**Aiju ran up to a group of six-year-old boys. "DUEL WITH ME!" she cried, handing each of them a tube of wrapping paper.**

**"Hey cool!" one of them yelled, whacking Aiju with it.**

**Of course one thing led to another and it soon became a full upscale battle between the ages.**

**#23 Walk around alone pretending someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation.**

**"What shall we do next?"**

**"Spill paint all over Hidan."**

**"Nahh, that's too easy."**

**"Get Tobi to come back in, blame him for something and then have him get beat to a bloody pulp?"**

**"No, we already did that."**

**"Take over the world?"**

**"Yes, and we shall be epic rulers but I mean as of right now."**

**"Go to the bedding section and make a fort."**

**Akira gasped. "I AM SO DOING THAT! It'll be like that Cheetos commercial!"**

**"We are so epic."**

**"Yes, yes we are."**

**Kakuzu sweatdropped. "Akira, who are you talking to?"**

**Akira blinked '' Alice"**

**"Who's Alice?" he asked a bit scared.**

**"My best friend."**

**Kakuzu slowly backed away from the red haired demon.**

**#24 Ask a totally bizarre question to one of the employees.**

**"Dude, man, Sasuke, I didn't know you worked here," the red head said flatly to the young Uchiha, dressed in one of Wal-Mart's uniforms.**

**"Yeah, well my mum and dad said I should get a job," he said plainly.**

**"Dude, that sucks."**

**"Anyway, what do you need?"**

**"Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"**

**"….."**

**#25 If someone gets within 30 feet of you, scream and run out of the store**

**"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU PEREVRT!"**

**"Well there goes Mai …"**

**"Yep, un."**

**"I still question myself why I let her join the Akatsuki …"**

**"Don't look at me man. You're the leader, un."**

**"Yeah I know … I must have been high when I decided to start this organization."**

**"You? High?" Deidara walked off laughing his ass off.**

**#26 Ask an employee random questions**

**"Do you like potatoes?"**

**"No."**

**"Are you wearing socks?"**

**"No."**

**"What's your favorite color?"**

**"No."**

**"Is your favorite word 'no'?"**

**"No."**

**"Then what's your favorite word?"**

**"No."**

**"THEN YOU LIE!"**

**"No."**

**"Yes."**

**"No."**

**"Yes."**

**"No."**

**"Do you believe in skittle-flavored unicorns?"**

**"Kitsune, stop bothering people."**

**"Sorry Itachi-san …"**

**#27 Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 30 feet and if they come any closer, hiss like a snake and act like you're about to bite them**

**"Aoi, why are you glaring at me? What did I do?" Kisame asked the pissed off looking Aoi.**

**He was answered by a hiss.**

**"Aoi, why are you hissing at me? Are you some kind of snake?"**

**Suddenly Orochimaru popped out of nowhere and glomped Aoi.**

**"YOU'RE LEARNING SO QUICKLY MY DARLING!" he yelled, hugging her tightly. You could practically see the hearts around his head.**

**"Um, Kisame? A little help here. I really don't want to get raped today …" Aoi said a bit worried.**

**"I'll go get Itachi," the fish said sighing.**

**"Please hurry. I think he's going to squeeze the life of me," she choked out.**

**#28 Throw a fake snake in some lady's face and watch her freak out**

**-Fwoosh!-**

**-loud piercing screams-**

**"All right! Who let Orochimaru out of his cage?"**

**"Why Itachi?"**

**"Because he's glued himself to Aoi again."**

**"TOBI DID! The snake man was all sad and since Tobi is a good boy he let him out!"**

**"Which one of you mother fucking pansy asses let Tobi back in?"**

**"Don't look at me fools. I want him out as much as you do."**

**"Playing innocent are we Zetsu, un?"**

**"Hey, where are Pein and Konan?"**

**"Probably fucking in the bathroom."**

**"What about Sasori?"**

**"That fuck face man-slut is probably watching."**

**"Hidan, why you gotta be so perverted?"**

**"Shut the fuck up you gay walking piece of sushi."**

**"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"**

**"Tobi, no one cares."**

**"BUT ITACHI-SAN-"**

**"No Tobi, just no."**

**"I LOVE YOU AOI!''**

**"That's it! That pedo snake is going down!"**

**"Mental note, never mess with Itachi's woman."**

**"A-fucking-greed."**

**#29 Dart around suspiciously humming the theme to Mission Impossible**

**"Blue chan what are you doing?"**

**"Ssshh! Tobi, you're going to blow my cover! I'm using my badass ninja skills to stalk people!" she whispered harshly.**

**"Then why is Blue-chan humming?"**

**"Because it adds effect, Tobi."**

**"But then wh-"**

**"SHUT UP TOBI! YOU'RE BLOWING MY COVER!"**

**"Aoi-hime, your cover was blown like a half hour ago. I even told you that to your face," Itachi said, looking down at her.**

**"Aw damn."**

**#30 While no one's looking, switch the signs on the men and woman's bathroom**

**"That's not actually the men's bathroom, is it?" Sasori asked the grinning almighty Mai**

**"No my dear Sasori, it is not."**

**"And Hidan just went in there … with chicks …"**

**"Pretty much."**

**"Well this is going to be interesting. He might be in there for a while …"**

**"Indeed. Learn fast Saso-boy. You just might be my next target."**


	3. 31-40

**# 31Follow people through aisles, always staying 5 feet behind them.**

**It was almost like being in one of those epic spy movies expect for the small little fact that Mai was tripping almost everything and trying way too hard to keep up with the guy she was stalking. It didn't exactly help that the guy she was stalking was the one throwing the things she was tripping over at her.**

**"DAMN YOU KISAME! SLOW DOWN AND STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME SO I CAN STALK YOU!" she yelled angrily.**

**"NEVER!" the walking fish stick cried, running away and throwing everything he could get his hands on, including people. "WAAA!" Dei cried as he was thrown at Mai who kicked him where the sun don't shine and jumped over him.**

**Good times, good times.**

**# 32 Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls and pretend to be the conductor.**

**"LAAA LAAA LAAA LAAAAAA! LAAA LAAA LAAA LAAAAA! LLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The hamster dolls sang.**

**"ANJU! What the hell is that? It sounds like a dying cat giving birth!" Pein exclaimed, horrified by the singing hamsters. Anju stood there in a conductor's suit conducting the dolls. She looked at the so-called 'god'. "They're singing hamster dolls Pein-sama."**

**Pein sighed and rubbed his temples. "Of course they are."**

**"Hey, can I pull out your piercing?"**

**"No."**

**"Why not?"**

**"Because I am God and I said so."**

**"Why?"**

**"Because."**

**"Can I get a hamster doll?"**

**"Anju, shut up"**

…

**"Why?"**

**#33 Open a pack of Yugioh cards and challenge random people to a 'd-d-d-d-d-duel!'**

**"I CHALLENGE YOU DEIDARA TO A FULL OUT EPIC DUEL!" Aoi yelled, jumping out from one of the isles, tackling the poor blonde to the ground. "You stupid red head! I'm shopping, un! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A BATTLE!" he roared, beating her with a pool noodle.**

**"ITACHI! RAPE! DEIDARA IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!" she cried.**

**-POOF!- -Deadly glare- -Knuckles cracking- -lots and lots of screaming-**

**Aoi skipped off dragging Itachi behind her. "Come on Itachi! Let's go look at Barney DVDs! I HEAR THEY HAVE A NEW DINOSAUR!" she half sang. They both left a quite bloody and unconscious Deidara behind them.**

**# 34 Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say things like 'I know where you live!'**

**In one hand Akira held one of those voice changers and in the other was a walkie-talkie. The other one from the set was on the back of a Barbie doll. She hid in the next aisle over and peered around the corner. Her first victim? Konan.**

**"Psssttt. Pssssssstttttttt. Hey you. You with the blue hair. I know what you did last summer," the 'doll' said creepily.**

**Konan screamed and ran out of the aisle, shouting "DEMON DOLL! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?" in the process.**

**Akira chuckled and looked around the corner. Dei and Sasori.**

**"I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!" the 'doll' screamed.**

**"WWWAAAAAA!" Dei cried, pushing Sasori towards the doll. "EAT THE SCARY DOLL!"**

**"I will come into your house and smother you with a pillow until your legs stop kicking," Akira made the doll hiss.**

**Sasori started to back away but Akira wasn't finished. "Don't you dare back away from me! I'M RAISING EVIL PONIES THAT WHISPER TO ME IN MY SLEEP! THE PONIES ARE FOR SATAN'S ARMY DAMNIT! FEAR ME!" the 'doll' screamed at the red head.**

**"HOLY SHIT!" Sasori yelled, horrified.**

**Akira tried her best not to burst out laughing but epically failed.**

**"AKIRAAA!"**

**"What?"**

**#35 Attempt to drown in a kitty pool.**

**"HELP! HEEEELLPP! I'M DROWNING!" Aiju yelled, thrashing her limbs around in the kitty pool.**

**Three and a half quarters of the Akatsuki showed up. Aiju looked around. "Why is Hidan missing his body?" she asked.**

**Kakuzu answered her question, obviously irritated about the situation. "He had to pick a fight with the wrong guy and that person chopped his fucking head off."**

**Hidan was furious. "THAT DUMB FUCKER! WHEN I GET MY BODY BACK FROM UNDER THE MASSIVE PILE OF PLAYBOY MAGAZINES I AM SO GOING TO KILL THAT KID!" he roared.**

**Aiju burst out laughing. "I'm sorry but I just can't take a screaming head seriously and Wal-Mart sells Playboys?"**

**"Why don't you go ask Itachi, Pein and Kisame?" Zetsu said, jerking his thumb in the direction of the three.**

**"Damn, I wish I could be over there," the talking head said. "Oh fun," Aiju sighed. "You know that we're going to be hearing all about those for the next few months."**

**"How fucking fun."**

**# 36 Battle dance someone**

**Kiko was searching for her victim kisame she found him in the clothes section**

**"Kisame" she screamed "what'' he replied " I CHALLANGE YOU TO A DANCE BATTLE" she screamed as she broke out dancing kisame walked away and she danced after him**

**#37 Slap a cashire (prefible Male) for talking to you**

**Kitsune walk up to the cashire he was blonde and his name tag read 'Naruto' He said "May i help you" Kitsune slaped him after he said that "Don't talk to me" kitsune yelled and stormed away**

**#38 **

**Run around in a bathing suit singing Clifornia Gurls**

**Clack clack clack went Zetsu and Hidan's shoes against the polished floor of the shopping center. Aisles and aisles of supplies loomed all around them. Of course, they weren't there to shop, they were there trying to find their teammate who had mysteriously disappeared from their sight.**

**"Where in fuck's name could she have gone?" Hidan growled, angrily to the plant-like man walking next to him.**

**The dark side of the man chuckled. "Fuck has a name? Call me insane but I thought fuck's name was fuck, is it not? Was I sleeping when the change occurred?"**

**The already pissed-off Jashinist glared at the dark side of Zetsu. "Don't get all technical with me asswipe. Don't make a fucking fool out of me and keep your eyes peeled. That bitch could be anywhere."**

**"I want no part of this. By saying something about the conversation brings you into the conversation you dumbass. Hey, no need to be cruel. I'm just letting you know that I want no part of it. Go fuck a duck asshat By telling me to go do that would be telling yourself to it so you might want to think about your sentences before they come out of your mouth. I'm about to put my fist in your mouth. Again, that would mean putting your fist in your own mouth and wha-" ZETSU. QUIT FUCKING ARGUING WITH YOURSELF? IT'S WICKED FUCKING ANNOYING YOU PANSY-ASSED SHIT BRICK."**

**"Hidan please keep your fucking voice down? And quit cussing so much, it's annoying."**

**"OH, I'M THE ANNOYING ONE? WELL SHIT, LEMME JUST THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE."**

**"Oh look what you did. What I did? You helped in that subject dipshit. Hey, that's not very ni-"**

**A flash of Red was all they could see until they registered the scene in front of them.**

**Mai was in a dark red bikini, dark sunglasses and hot pink flip-flops singing at the top of her lungs.**

**(Mai singing Lyrics)**

**Hidan elbowed Zetsu in the side. "Check out the way her twins bounce."**

**Unfortunately for Hidan, Mai heard what he had just said. She stopped dead in her tracks and whipped her head in his direction, glaring death at the man.**

**"Oh shit man. You've done it now."**

**# 39 Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke**

**I'm a Barbie girl**

**In a Barbie worl-**

**Before Akira could even get a few lines out, an angry Hidan covered her mouth with her hand.**

**"Not that fucking song Kira! You are so not singing that shitty song especially in public! Do you have no fucking dignity woman?" he yelled, irritated.**

**"No, not really," she said, removing his hand from her mouth.**

**# 40 Thow a rave party**

**Aoi called all of her crazy cousins and was now haking walmart pa systum and hooked it up to her i pod she sent the it's time text and blasted BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR Music and Mai turned out the lights Akira got the glow sticks and Kitsune got the glow paint the party raged until leader-sama yelled "AOI MAI KISUNE AND AKIRA GET OVER HERE" said gils ran like road runners and hauled ass out of there**


End file.
